Some very close relatives of mine were discussing at length the other day my dancing talents. I've never timed myself with a stop watch, but if I did I wouldn't be suprised if I actually spent more time dancing than walking. Tap, Modern, Contemporary, Jazz, Lambada, Body-Popping - yes fans I can do them all to at least standard twelve or higher. I know many of you were distraught when I had to cancel my one man extravaganza at Gateshead High Street Community Centre, which was going to be my interpretation of that show by that Irish bloke with a mullet, because the segs kept falling out of my favourite dance shoes.
  Anyway, a couple of years ago I bumped into Bonnie Langford in my favourite Barnard Castle tea room. We really hit it off, and I jokingly challenged her to a dance off, but she had to decline due to legal reasons. I'm convinced she was going to offer me a starring role in her telly programme 'The Hot Shoe Show', but unfortunately it got cancelled five years earlier.

 Bonnie agreed to guest on stage with me and Little Marc at a show I pretended was for charity. I thought we were getting on really great, you know boy-girl style, but when she met Little Marc, she dropped me like a ton of bricks. Here's a picture from the show, where Little Marc had to upstage everyone by wearing his monkey suit.
 Bonnie isn't the only top dancer I'm very big mates with, a very close friend of mine who works for Transco has a sister who has worked as a dancer on cruise ships on the North Sea, and get this, even further abroad, and I've been in the same room as her at least three times, and one time she actually spoke to me. She said 'Would you like a glass of water Mike?' as I'd just fainted after watching a particular graphic operation on 'Casualty'.