Although
you may often see me in some of the most fashionable bars and nightclubs in
the north, there's nothing I like doing more than entertaining in my bachelor
penthouse 1 bedroom flat. It's so important to get all the ingredients right
- just imagine me on a typical night in with guests Christopher Biggins and
nuts Icelandic singer Bjork, as you can see we are relaxing on a leatherette
covered bench all set for a game of Junior Scrabble - sorry Bjork, Icelandic
slang is NOT ALLOWED. I've selected music appropriate for a fun packed night,
kicking off with "Kraftwerk, the B-sides" and as I'm a bit of a matchmaker
- and these two may want to indulge in some light/medium petting, ending with
the last dance classic "Letter from America" by bespectacled Scotch
twins The Proclaimers.
Madonna
will probably pop in for a drink sometimes, to see what Big Marc and Little
Marc are up to, especially now that she's married to that english bloke who
makes films about cockneys, based on Walker off Dad's Army. To get in with her
arty crowd, I'm going to pretend I'm really influenced by her "Erotic"
phase, and leave my Littlewoods catalogue open on the kitchen table at the bras
and knickers page. I think Madonna will also be impressed when I tell her I'm
one of the movers and shakers in the local Neighbourhood Watch scheme - home
security is very important to me, especially with one of the largest collections
of Top Trumps in my area. I've currently got 14 full sets, including "World
Cup Stars'78," "Aircraft Carriers" and "Family Saloon Cars."
