Men of Mystery - David Blane, Paul McKenna, that fella who just got his own series on Channel 4 on Friday nights, and of course fans, me. I decided I would act all weird and mysterious as part of my new entertainment act. Anytime now I am going to be able to Guess your card, Float slighlty off the ground, Hypnotise people and then when I get really expert at those things, which may well take almost 2 weeks, escape - unaided mind you - from my bike combination lock, and get this fans, while lying on the ground. Now you probably think I know the combination, but be warned safety lovers, I haven't used it for nearly a year, and I am only sure about the first 2 out of 4 numbers.
  To add to my mystique, I will probably walk on stage without putting my arms into my sleeves on my coat, accompanied by either The Star Wars theme tune, or possibly Diamond Lights by Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle.

  I REFUSE to use my fantastic powers for personal gain. Of course somebody without my high morals could hypnotise themselves £500, or possibly even slightly more. Although I am aware that girls go nuts for men of mystery, David Copperfield used to go out with Claudia Schiffer, while Paul Daniels is married to Debbie McGee. I am not sure who I will end up dating, but I have drawn up a short list which includes Jennifer Lopez, Cheryl Baker and hurdler Sally Gunnell.
  I was just talking to a close friend of mine the other day, about how important it was for someone who has been gifted my extraordinary powers and talent, to look after my body and mental wellbeing - so from now on I will be doing Yoga every night, whilst listening to my Moods relaxation CD, well apart from the nights when either You've Been Framed, Watchdog or The Salon are on telly, or Friday when I usually have a bath.