Always the pageboy and never the bridegroom, the saying should be - well
certainly in my case. I've now been a pageboy eight times (to date, anyway),
I don't know if this is a world record, but would certainly be worth a feature
in a national newspaper, or maybe Hello or Heat would be interested. I have
already written to Take A Break about this, and cleverly enclosed it with
my annual subscription (thus saving 20p) and am waiting for a reply.
To be honest, I'll probably go with the highest bidder and put the
money towards my own wedding - SETTLE DOWN FEMALE FANS - I haven't actually
found a suitable bride yet, or at least not one who said yes, I guess most
girls I meet think I'm not the settling down type. (Feel free to
email me if you would like to marry me, with a recent photo and description
of your personality - try and keep this below ten words, as I'm very busy
with my new job as a cloakroom attendant and glass collector at one of Spennymoor's
premier nightclubs - I am going to suggest they have a designer fashion dress
code and VIP area, in an attempt to get a promotion).
I'm not really the vain type, but don't I cut a dash in my sailor suit,
a bit like Richard Gere in that film, I can't remember what it was called,
but he wore a sailor suit almost identical to the one I'm pictured in - and
this photo was taken six months before that film came out - coincidence? I
DON'T THINK SO GERE.